Do you really want to be personally responsible for someone else’s decision making? 🤔
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Anyone who tends to be more of an observer would likely notice a pattern in behavior these days. Whether it’s in our friendships, family relationships or work relationships by my observation there are some serious validation needs being expressed. 🙉
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“I was totally against it, but my work said I should do it”.
“I was so scared, but my family said I should do it”
“I would have never have done this, but they say I won’t be able to go on trips”.
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These are just a few direct quotes from people who are now dealing with adverse reactions from taking a medical procedure they felt reluctant to do in the first place.
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Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable,” said Dr. Karyn Hall, Director of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Centre, Houston, Texas.
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Needing to feel validated by others is something we should recognize and deal with so that it doesn’t become a habit, making us dependent on outside opinions to make serious decisions.
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Encouraging ( “way to go”) someone else’s choice even when you do not agree with it.
Changing your stand because someone else disagrees with it
Becoming distressed when someone doesn’t agree with you, but not saying anything
Agreeing with someone even when you have no reason to
Displeasing yourself to please others
Keeping quiet when you are mistreated
Not being true to yourself and doing things that are not in line with your beliefs just so you can gain approval.
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These are indicators that we might be seeking validation from others rather than being self validated an article from family life goals suggests.
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I think there’s another, what about seeking validation from other people’s decisions when they make the same one? That’s also a form of validation and I’m seeing a lot of pressure being applied to others when they do not make the same choice as us.
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Why is it so important that other people do what we do?
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One possible conclusion I thought of was that we feel more validated about our decision when everyone around us makes the same one.
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What does it do to our confidence in our decision when one or more people do not decide on the same choice?
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Do we dismiss their choice and just assume they are wrong? Do we think that maybe it’s right for them?
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Does it make us question whether we are making the right decision for ourselves?
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Why the desperate need to talk people into changing their mind if we are confident in our own choice? I’ve often listened as people give one reason after another trying to convince another person to make the same choice as them.
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If we have done our own research, weighed out all the pros and cons of the decision then we should be confident in what we’ve decided. We should not need other people’s decisions to align with our own to feel validated. Unless we have some other kind of motive?
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If we feel the need to have everyone around us make the same choices as us then we should take that as a signal that we may not be confident in the decision we are making.
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When we try to use outside validation in exchange for confidence in our own capabilities we could become personally responsible for other people’s choices.
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